Secrets
by m00shrum
Summary: Luke visits and Ben is reminded that he's still alive. Perhaps it's not too late to learn from the past.


**Secrets**

The Tatooine sunset washed over the desert and the sand rippled like a sea of lava under the strong wind. Ben Kenobi would have been drawn to the sight five years ago, perhaps even fascinated, but he could not bear to look at it now. He would close the shutters of his window every late afternoon and turn to the darkness of his room. Today was no different.

Except for the sound of a small hand rapping on his door.

Old Ben knew that presence all too well, but he was shocked nonetheless. Luke never visited at this time of day—the evening storm was approaching. Ben quickly answered the door, shielding the sand from the child's eyes with his cloak until they were both safely inside. He led Luke to a small wooden seat reserved just for his visits at the table and offered him a warm cup of water.

Luke shook his head and scrunched up his nose. "Don't you have any cold water, Uncle Ben?"

"I'm sorry," Ben replied softly. "The tap water isn't safe to drink."

"Oh."

Luke sat silently for a moment, examining his uncle through his four-year-old eyes. His Uncle Ben was such a mystery. Where was he from? How old was he? What had he seen? And why did Uncle Owen forbid Luke to see him? Sometimes Luke would wonder why he felt the need to sneak away and visit his old uncle—Ben was, after all, not very talkative. In fact, he seemed rather dry most of the time. Like the desert. It was as if the winds had drained him of whatever he once had.

"Oh!" Luke repeated, this time with renewed enthusiasm. He reached into the tiny pouch that hung from his belt. "I forgot to tell you I found something today."

It was a piece of rusty aluminum from an outdated droid, probably carried over by the winds from a nearby junk yard.

"Luke, this droid part isn't useful anymore."

"But I like it," said Luke, clasping the metal to his chest before dropping it back into his pouch. "Maybe I'll find a way to use it. Someday I'm going to build the smartest droid in the universe."

Ben turned away and busied himself, pretending to search for something in the cabinets. As much as he cared about Luke, the boy was still somewhat of a burden. Especially on this Tatooine afternoon when all he wanted was to meditate and forget.

"Uncle Ben? Why are you so sad all the time?"

"How would you know if I was sad?" asked Ben, feeling a little surprised.

"Because it's making _me_ sad," said Luke, getting up from his seat and tugging the edge of Ben's robes persistently. "Why can't you play with me? I want you to carry me on your back like Aunt Beru does."

"Well, you already have Aunt Beru for that," Ben pointed out. He gave up looking for the nonexistent object and sat down, face buried in his palm. The storm outside was growing and it was too late to take the boy home. "You must be tired, Luke. Why don't you take a nap on the couch?"

"But I don't want to sleep!" cried Luke. He looked a little embarrassed when Ben didn't reply. "I—I have nightmares sometimes. I see hands a lot. Just hands. There's normal hands and metal hands and dead hands. But I can't see the people. I know it doesn't sound scary, but I get scared."

_  
"I know you're going to say it won't happen, but it will. I know it will." _

_Obi-Wan sighed, wishing he could somehow rid Anakin of these nightmares. He had never felt so helpless. He would've tried to comfort Anakin. He would've put his arms around the boy and held him against his chest. He would've told Anakin that he could return to Tatooine whenever he wanted and visit his mother. But it was only in his power to say, "Learn to forget and it will go away in time." _

_Anakin never mentioned the nightmares to him again._

Ben hesitated for a moment before reaching forward to stroke the boy's hair. He felt awkward and his hand trembled slightly, so he quickly drew his arm back. Luke didn't move away. Instead, he climbed onto his uncle's lap and made himself comfortable.

"Let's play a game," he said. "I'm going to tell you a secret and you have to tell me one of yours. And whoever runs out of secrets they aren't scared to tell first loses. And since I just told you about my nightmares, it's your turn."

"Luke." Ben gave him a little shove, but the boy wouldn't budge. He was beginning to feel desperate. "No, Luke, I'm not in the mood for this."

_  
"Anakin, please don't talk to me about this. You know what to do." _

_"No, I don't," said Anakin firmly. "Who else am I supposed to talk to? Yoda?" _

Master_ Yoda," Obi-Wan corrected automatically. _

_Anakin groaned in frustration. "That's not the point! The point is that I want to see Miss Padmé again! The point is that I'm a confused teenager who needs serious attention!" He paused and took a deep breath, as if the sky were going to fall any minute. "I want to be able to talk to my master about my hormonal issues. I want my master to sympathize with me. Of course, my friends and I talk about this all the time, but it's _different_. They're also going through the same phase. I need someone older."_

_ "Anakin, my job is to train you to become a Jedi, not to act as your personal psychiatrist." _

_"But I _need_ someone," repeated Anakin. His voice was flat but his eyes were pleading. "I want someone to understand." _

_Obi-Wan shook his head. He never knew such a simple movement could take so much effort. "I'm afraid you're looking at the wrong person," he said. Was this really him? Were these words really his? "The only thing I can tell you is that Jedi are not supposed to form attachments. You _will_ get over this and so will your friends." _

_Anakin didn't reply. Obi-Wan didn't see him the next day. Or the day after that. And when Obi-Wan finally couldn't take it anymore, he secretly asked one of Anakin's peers if they knew where he was. The Padawan told him Anakin was visiting Senator Palpatine._

"Why?" said Luke. "Are you scared or you just don't have any secrets?"

The storm shook the small house violently, but neither Luke or Ben paid any attention to it.

"I'm scared," replied Ben. He couldn't remember ever saying those words and he was amazed how weak and vulnerable they made him feel. "I guess that means you win."

Luke stared at the floor, looking a little disappointed. Then he slowly lifted his hand and touched his uncle's beard, and when Ben began to move away, Luke reached up with his other hand and held his face gently. "Don't move," he said earnestly. "I want to see if I can feel what you're thinking if I concentrate really hard."

_  
Obi-Wan stood motionlessly behind a large pillar. He hated hiding, but his curiosity outweighed his discomfort. He could hear Anakin and Palpatine's approaching footsteps and he wondered if Anakin could still feel him through their mind link even as he kept his shield up. It was a risk he was willing to take. _

_"Anakin, you have such a promising future," Palpatine was saying. "You may not be able to see this, but your strength is lies in your passion. Without passion, you wouldn't be half the man you are today. You fulfill your duties as if they were a part of you. You strive to do more than the best. This quality of yours should be valued, not brushed aside." _

_"I don't know what to think anymore," said Anakin. Obi-Wan could feel the pain in his voice as if it were his own. "I just feel so lost. Sometimes I wish I never became a Jedi. I want to go back and start over again as an ordinary person. I—I'm sorry, Chancellor. I'm sorry for making you listen to this." _

_"It's quite all right, Anakin. You may talk to me about anything." _

_That was it. It sounded so easy. Almost too easy. Obi-Wan leaned back, passing half the weight from his shoulders onto the pillar. He unconsciously wondered for the hundredth time why he chose the path he took. What did the cold marble have to share with him? For a moment, he felt a surge of admiration for the Chancellor. Perhaps 'envy' would be an even better word. Here was the man Obi-Wan had spent his entire life trying not to become, yet here was the man who held the key to Anakin's heart._

_  
_Ben didn't move. He managed to sit completely still with all the effort he could muster as Luke searched his mind. Luke wasn't able to completely connect with him, but their link was strong enough for Ben to feel the boy's innocent affection.

"You're still sad," said Luke after a while. "Why can't you tell me a secret? I promise I won't tell."

Ben looked into Luke's eyes and found the love and trust that could have belonged to him years ago. He suddenly felt very tired and old. Perhaps he'd been saving his own love all this time and he simply kept it for too long. "All right," he agreed. "One secret."

Luke sat quietly on his lap, waiting for him to say it. He wasn't sure how long he waited—it could have been minutes or hours. The sandstorm outside was already over. And although Luke didn't notice, the shutters had somehow fluttered opened on their own to let in the night sky.

"You're very special, Luke," Obi-Wan finally whispered. "And I know this may not seem like _my_ secret, but it is. I brought you here, to Tatooine, because you're special. And I want you to know how special you are." He embraced the boy warmly and felt Luke return the hug. What would Anakin think if he saw them now? Would he be satisfied? Surprised? Even angry? It didn't matter. Anakin had left him long before their final exchange on Mustafar. But Luke…

Luke was his.

- - -

Please point out any mistakes/awkward sentences if you catch them. :)


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